Recently someone told me that adopting is like being 9 months pregnant for a really long time.

I’m beginning to understand what she (a woman who has adopted 3 children!) meant. Today Brandon and I sent off our profile book to be printed, have submitted a few additional forms and other than a few items we will drop off at the office tomorrow… we’re basically done. Our caseworker tells us that our home study should be complete very soon.

So, now we’re into the waiting time. And I am struggling with how to properly prepare for this new life. If I were pregnant I could begin to prepare. But our agency has cautioned us in our preparation steps. Even when we are matched with a birth mom, they have encouraged us to only minimally prepare.

The trick is that I am feeling the need to nest. I am expecting. So in the past week Brandon and I have found different things that we like online… a bedding set that I love (and will work for a boy or a girl), a really cool diaper bag (made out of recycled material and in a fair trade facility), a couple of strollers that I am obsessed with… and we’ve even picked out a boy’s name and are deciding between a few girl’s names.

We are doing all of the things that expectant couples do. But we have to proceed with caution. And we have to learn a healthy balance. Mainly, I just have to learn to move slow.

And before this sounds like a post of complaining… I am really having fun. True, it’s a balancing act. But in the end we are really excited to be expecting. So in the next few months I will proceed with caution, and probably have to say “no” to my impulses. But it’s not like I can’t do anything… I just have to go slow.

So there’s an update. I am so pumped to be moving forward. And I have no idea when this baby will appear, but I sort of already feel like I know them. This sounds incredibly dramatic, I’m sure. But it’s true.

And you’ve probably already figured this out by now, but we probably wont be giving adoption updates every other day… but we hope to continue regularly.

Till later… Amy

We’re back online… and we apologize for the delay.

As many of you know this past week Brandon’s grandmother passed away somewhat unexpectedly. Mary Lou Holloway is his stepdad’s mom and was very much beloved by the whole family. Brandon had the privilege of speaking at her funeral and in the last two days we have been enjoying time with family we haven’t seen in a while. We will return home Monday night and will be taking two additional days of vacation in order to prepare for our upcoming season of work and to finish up adoption stuff!

Over the last few days adoption has been heavily on our minds. You see Mary Lou and her husband Marvin fostered 56 children, 1 of whom they adopted–Gail Holloway. In addition to this they had three biological sons. The Holloways loved children.

Brandon’s mom married Randy Holloway when Brandon was 10 years old and from the time he entered the Holloway family he was a grandson. Not a step-grandson, not an adopted grandson, he was a grandson!

This was just Mary Lou. Blood wasn’t necessary for you to be considered family.

In the past few days Brandon and I have regretted that Mary Lou can’t share in our adoption journey. We very much feel like she is the one that would understand best. But we have also rejoiced over the opportunity to add one more adopted child into this wonderful family. We love that this is a family that will recognize our child as family, regardless of a blood connection. We also look forward to our child finding individuals in the family who share and understand their experience.

What we are finding is that more and more we are becoming adoptive parents, even before we have a child. You see each training session we do, and each book we read is teaching us more about this wonderful journey we have begun. And we already love this child even though we know nothing about them… It’s been a great process!

So, to update you on how things are going. Tuesday morning we have our home visit and with that will conclude our home study. It’s gone by very, very fast! Hopefully within the next week we will also have our profile book in pretty good shape so that by the start of August we can officially be waiting. Wow! I can’t believe how fast it has gone.

But at the same time, we know that this will bring new feelings and emotions. You see up until this point we have had lots of work to do which has kept us busy! Now we are looking at the waiting process which is a little intimidating. We have no idea what the time frame for this process will be. We can only wait.

Thank you for praying for us. We appreciate your continued prayers for us as we complete our homestudy, finish up our profile book and enter into the waiting process. Pray with us for our child and the relationship we will have with their birthmom.

And stay tuned for more updates… hopefully we won’t have additional interruptions and will be back to our regular schedule!

grace and peace,

Amy (& Brandon)

Hello, friends. Brandon here.

The home study process has been preparing our hearts and minds for our future child. One big project looming in our future is preparing our home for a child. The catch is there’s only so much we can do. Our case worker and other people who know such things have discouraged us from buying baby furniture or decorating a nursery until after we bring our little one home from the hospital. The reason is, even if we are chosen by  a birthmother while she is pregnant, she has a few days (72 hours, I think) to make her final decision regarding whether or not to place the child for adoption. In other words, if we were to paint the nursery and stencil little O’Brien’s name on the wall, there’s a chance the birthmom could change her mind. I’m sure there’s nothing more depressing than an unused nursery.

So, we can’t decorate the room. But we need to have everything in place so that when we do bring junior home, we can turn the guest room/office in a nursery (probably nursery/office or nursery/guest room/office…) pretty quickly. That means going through all the junk under the bed, clearing out the closet, culling books (mostly my books, I’d like to add) to make shelf space, and otherwise trying to turn 100 square feet into 200 square feet.

But cleaning of this magnitude is never limited to one room. We realized early on that in order to make room in one closet, we’d have to move stuff into another closet–and that means making room in that closet, too. So this morning, Amy and I began the big purge. We pulled stuff out from under our bed, emptied our closet, organized, simplified, de-junkified. By the end of the afternoon we had filled several garbage bags full of stuff to either toss, recycle, or donate.

Of course in the process, we piled a bunch of junk in the guest room to deal with “later.” Now the guest room–the room we are trying to empty–is in worse shape than before. But I suppose that’s how these things go. They get worse before they get better.

As much as I hate cleaning the house, I have to say that it is good for our souls to eliminate clutter, simplify, and organize our home. It’s something we’ve been needing to do anyway, but I need a reason to spend my Saturday looking through (and throwing out) college term papers and trying on pants that haven’t fit in three years.

In a sense, this purging process feels like a metaphor for our spiritual and emotional preparation, as well. The home study process has us thinking about our pasts (individually and together) and planning our future. It’s forced us to think about priorities and traditions we want to maintain and habits we should stop. I think we have the opportunity to be much more intentional about preparing ourselves for parenting than people do when they have their first biological child. So we’re “cleaning house,” inside and out.

Amy has been good about posting pictures. I’m not. But I’m sure we’ll post a pic of the guest room when we have it nursery-ready.

Thanks for reading.
Brandon

Dear friends,

First of all, thank you each for all of your encouragement regarding our decision to adopt. Brandon and I were truly overwhelmed by the response from family and friends. You are each such a wonderful part of this process. Thank you.

In the past 2 weeks, we have had our first two interviews of our home study. In these meetings we have discussed everything from our reasons for adopting, to our plans for discipline (eep!) to our own families of origin. We’ve learned a lot more about the journey ahead of us and have learned a lot of stuff about ourselves.

After our first interview we learned that Brandon and I are incapable of having a meeting that is less than 2 hours. This should come as no surprise to those that know us well. Our caseworker didn’t know that asking us open-ended questions wasn’t going to keep our meeting to the project hour (at most hour & a half) meeting! 🙂 In our second visit we really tried to keep it short, but still 2 hours later we were done! But, seriously we ended up having a wonderful time in each interview and we weren’t the only ones talking. At several points the 3 of us were just having a great conversation about various topics. So now we have just admitted that our interviews last 2 hours… and that’s okay! 🙂

Our caseworker, Laura, has been such a blessing. It’s been great to journey with her in conversation. She’s young, so in a lot of ways we’re learning together about this. But in other ways, she has helped us think through some great things.

A huge part of this process is education. We have been reading through a book called “Letters from Birthmoms” in order to help us start thinking about open adoption (which is what our agency practices). This has been hugely challenging as look toward the relationship we will have not only with our child, but with their birthmom as well.

We have also been required to take a series of 5 online courses on topics from Attachment to talking about adoption to grief to how to make a good Profile Book. Needless to say, we’ve learned a ton but have also been challenged by the different ideas.

And I have some good news! On Monday we found out that we will have our final in-office interview this coming Tuesday. Later in the week, we will have our home-visit and then we will be done with the home study process. This means that as soon as we finish our profile book we will be officially waiting for our child. Whew! I don’t think either of us knew it would go this quickly, but it’s great.

So stay tuned for more info. In the coming days and weeks we will discuss the different ideas we have encountered through training. Oh, and the picture above is of us on our very first interview! The picture on our previous post was just before our second visit.

We welcome your thoughts, comments, wonderings… whatever!

(Oh, and our plan is to update this blog every other day… feel free to nag us if we don’t seem to be keeping to that schedule!)

Till two days from now…

Amy

Dear friends (and anonymous strangers that we don’t know about),

We are so thrilled to be able to tell you that Brandon and I have begun a very exciting journey–we have officially started the adoption process, specifically domestic infant adoption.

There are so many things that we could tell you, and we plan to share our thoughts throughout this process. But for now, we just thought we’d share the good news. We covet your prayers as we work through the remainder of our homestudy (1 more in-office visit and a home visit), and as we enter into the waiting process. Please pray with us for our child and for the birthparents (and the relationship we will share).

And check back often as we will be updating this blog along the way, including a new post about our last two visits with our caseworker!

Thank you for sharing in our joy as we journey towards our child.

Talk to you all soon!

Last night I could see my breath standing in the O’Hare terminal. That’s right, the terminal. When it came time to board they had us go in small groups and encouraged us to move quickly down the jet bridge. As we ran into the plane I heard the flight attendant remark, “I have never seen a group of passengers board so efficiently.” Well, when you can see your breath in the terminal, when you catch snow inside the jet bridge (while still seeing your breath), and when it’s single digits outside no one messes with the boarding process. No one.

What was amazing about this whole process was that while people were shivering and wearing their coats inside the plane as it was being de-iced, we were happy. Why were we happy? We knew that within a short time, 2 hours and 55 minutes to be exact, we would be stepping off the plane in West Palm Beach. When we arrived the weather was a lovely 69 degrees (cool for this area), and we knew that this brief trial would only lead to something great.

Now don’t worry, I’m not going to attempt to make some sort of lame spiritual connection about how the trials of life may be hard (like a freezing jet bridge) but in the end we land where it’s Sunny and 57 degrees. No, aside from the fact that I see theological flaws with that argument, we’ve all heard this analogy enough and don’t need to hear it again.

However something else struck me on the plane (which may or may not lead to spiritual applications). Our flight attendants from the time we boarded were crabby. While the captain explained to us that the plane was being de-iced and it would be a while passengers didn’t see the need to turn off their cell phones quite yet. And understandably so. Why not continue the conversation with a coworker, friend of family member… we’re not leaving for another 30 minutes and therefore the frequency can in no way interfere with the function of the airplane (which was disproved on Myth Busters for those interested…)

But our flight attendants were increasingly frustrated by this lack of following rules. As an avid rule follower myself (I turned off my phone immediately upon sitting down), I understand their frustration.

However, what proceeded was annoyance at everything passengers did. And how did I know they were annoyed? I witnessed all of the flight attendants interact with a passenger, and then lift their head up and roll their eyes. Young man hasn’t turned off his ipod yet… eye roll. Older man takes too long to say goodbye to his family on the phone… eye roll. Another woman doesn’t understand that her Amazon Kindle should be turned off along with her cell phone (because she doesn’t fly much and the flight attendant only asked that cellular phones be turned off)… eye roll. Ladies continue talking while safety instructions are going on (which, let’s be honest, happens ALL THE TIME)… eye roll. Cute little barely 3 year old girl traveling with her grandfather wants to sit in his lap instead of in the chair beside…eye roll. And they kept coming.

Though I never personally received the dreaded roll, I was offended on everyone’s behalf.

So why waste the time writing the story? As someone who works with people of all shapes and sizes–adults, children, youth, infants– I understand how they can be frustrating. I really do. And I’m sure after a long day of work the Flight Attendants had encountered their share of crabby passengers. People can be frustrating at times and not even Mother Theresa would argue with that. However, eye rolling? Really? Is that the best grown-up response with the people that you are paid to work with aggravate you?

And I don’t think there are any spiritual applications. I just had to get it out. Eye rolling is always a bad idea. Whether you’re a 5th grader, teenager, 4 year old or middle-aged flight attendant.

The end.

So Brandon and I are terrible at this blog thing. We got a new site, were really good at writing for a few weeks and then…. nothing.

So now I’m trying to make up for it. So I have posted something I wrote in my parents enewsletter at the church. Here goes:

Anticipation.

This word has been on my mind and my heart a lot lately.

This past Sunday, during our Bible Story for Kids Connection, we were visited by two puppets–ravens–who told us the story of Elijah & Elisha. I wish all of you could have seen the children’s reactions throughout the story. Many of us have never seen a group so captivated.

During the second part of the story, the puppets reappeared now and then, poking their heads out with a postcard to update us on the journey of Elijah. The first time it happened, the children were startled and immediately intrigued!

Two of our youngest members in particular, a brother and sister, caught my eye. When the first raven poked its head through the puppet set, it startled all of us. The little girl became scared and buried her head in her leader’s arm. Meanwhile, her brother squealed with delight, and throughout the rest of the story he was so excited he could barely contain himself –rocking back & forth, nearly screaming with the pure anticipation.

There’s that word again: anticipation.

Watching this young boy wait and wait and wait for the next raven appearance was sweet. He captured the beauty of this word.

However, both these children exemplify what I see among our children here at Immanuel. Many of our children can hardly wait to be older, to do bigger things. Our society tends to give in to those demands, encouraging them to grow up too quickly.

However, when we immediately satisfy every demand, we miss out on the joy of anticipation. What we are trying to teach our children here at Immanuel is that this waiting period is sweet. It’s important. So much learning happens in times of anticipation.

On the other hand, there are also those children who fear the next thing. They are afraid of this important change. They don’t want to see what comes next. They just want to enjoy the comfort of what is. Society gives in to these as well, allowing them to stay where they are. Many children are not learning important lessons as they go forward and are remaining in a state of extended adolescence well into their 20s.

Interestingly enough both children need the same lesson. They both need the comfort of the Savior to calm their hearts, calm their bodies, comfort theirs fears, and prepare them for what is ahead. We as a church family can help them embrace the joy of anticipating what is to come. Sometimes we can’t even imagine waiting and other times we want nothing more than to prolong where we are. But the Savior is there to guide us in both times.

So, I ask you, How are you practicing anticipation with your children? It’s wonderful for them to be excited, but sometimes we need to keep them from rushing ahead. When they’re scared, how are we helping them move forward despite these fears?

What I love about our Savior is that he welcomes both types of children. He loves to walk with them on their spiritual journey. He is there to provide whatever help it is that they need.

So, I guess the question then becomes, How are we pointing our children toward the Savior?

This past weekend I (Amy) went to visit some of our very best friends to celebrate a very special little boy’s birthday! It was definitely good for my soul! Henry Harrell, son of Nancy & Tim Harrell, turned 1. I was able to spend from Thursday to Monday with them. We celebrated the little guy, talked a lot, watched movies, and just had a great time hanging out together! I also got to see Michael & Terese Cox (and baby Coxen!), as well as James & Amy Taylor (and baby Taylor) and it was so wonderful to get updated on their lives, see where they live and just hang out! The weekend was GREAT! The picture above was taken on our last day right before we left to go to the airport!

So, I’ve waited to post on our blog in hopes of inspiration to say something amazing. Inspiration never came. So I’ll use this as time to update our readers on our lives!

While I was away for the weekend, Brandon took advantage of the “no wife” time to FINISH HIS BOOK! YAY!!! Stay tuned for this time next year for the premier! Now he’s busy with lots of freelance work and PhD classes. He’s really enjoying being back in class. We are both enjoying his being back in school, but I think we’re both ready for the time in our marriage when one of us is not in school. 2 and a half years and counting…

I am busy with things starting at church. We have totally revamped our children’s Sunday School and this Sunday will launch Kids Connection–an interactive large group / small group model that will better serve as a means of spiritually forming our children. I’m excited to finally start, but am in the midst of last minute planning! Stay tuned for pictures soon!

In addition to this, this coming Tuesday marks the first day of Parents Day Out at the church. I will work with Annie Kendrick at PDO 2 days a week and am looking forward to spending time with the kids and to learning from Annie! Please pray for this start. Our attendance is less than desired, but we’re hopeful that this is a ministry which God has blessed and we are looking forward to seeing how He works out His plans.

So, what’s new with you?

Amy

The time has come. We’ve made the big transition.

Thursday was my last day of full-time employment at Leadership journal. Since Monday of this week, I’ve been taking a two-week summer class. So I’ve been in class in the mornings and in the office in the afternoons. There’s no future in that sort of insanity. As you might imagine, I am very tired.

My last day at work was surprisingly emotional. Working for CTI has been an extraordinary experience. I couldn’t have asked for better colleagues, and the job gave me opportunities I never thought I’d have. It’s great to know I’ll be able to stay connected as a freelancer.

Even so, I’m really excited about school. Just walking onto campus Monday morning got me excited about the new semester.

So for the next couple of years, my title (and bio for the back of my book!) will be “doctoral candidate in historical theology at TEDS, contributing editor for Leadership journal, and freelance editor and writer.” Should be fun.

Brandon

When we are praying for something that we know from God’s word that He desires for us (such as provision, etc), is there some point at which we pray too much?

Before anyone accuses me of not being a strong “pray-er,” let me give some background. This past Wednesday, in my Bible study we heard an interesting story. A woman was in a prayer meeting where the leader asked them to write on a notecard something they had been in prayer for that they knew God wanted to do. I.e., it had to be a request that scripture affirmed. (So their prayer for a bright red corvette… didn’t necessarily count). The leader instructed the group to hold these cards up as they prayed once again to God, with on catch — this was the last time they could ask God for this particular thing. From this point on, they could only “water it with thanks.”

This task struck me. I am a strong believer in prayer. I think it is one of the most important tasks that Christians have. Petitioning before our God is a privilege and a responsibility. However, at some point I have wondered if my continually asking God for something that I know He desires for me might sometimes demonstrate my own lack of faith that He will provide it.

So, Brandon and I have decided to practice this with 2 requests in particular that we have been regularly bringing before God (one which we have been doing for nearly 2 years). We have in the last few days begun to thank God for the ways He has already met these petitions, and the ways He will meet them in the future.

We’ve already noticed his work in new ways.

Hmm….

Thanks for listening. (Oh, and this is Amy, by the way).