Category Archives: Christian Thought

I need your help!

Posted by baobrien in Children's Ministry, Christian Thought, Spiritual Formation

So I’ve had a hard time writing lately. Why? Well, I honestly don’t feel as if I have much to say. Which is a problem. Not so much for my faithful blog readers (whoever you may be… if you even exist), but for my professional readers. You see most of you know that Brandon writes and edits for a living. Although he hopes one day to be a full time professor, right now he finds great opportunities to write. I mean, he’s not even 30 (that’s right, we’re very, very young) and is working on his second book. He’s good. I mean, I’m totally biased, but he’s really good! (Seriously, ask his mom…)

So what does this have to do with me? Well what many of you don’t know is that I write too. Now, compared to Brandon what I do looks like child’s play… but that works for me, since I primarily write about children.

Okay, so now you’re wondering why I need your help. Well, right now I am working on a project on ministering to Children of Divorce. And I would love to know your thoughts. I am married to a child of divorce, have many friends who are the adult children of divorce and I am daily overwhelmed by stories of children who are journeying through this painful experience.

So that’s where you come in. I would love to hear your stories. Are you a child of divorced parents? What was your experience like at school, at church, at home? What did you find the hardest part of this whole journey? Maybe you are a parent or an aunt or an uncle in this situation. I would love to know your experience as well. Pretty soon I’m going to be having a round table discussion with some friends whose parents divorced when they were young. I’m looking forward to hearing from them. And I especially would like to know how your faith community handled this. What was your experience at church?

Basically, if you would trust me with it, I would love to know your story. And I know these stories might be somewhat personal, so feel free to email me by filling out the form below. Don’t worry, others wont see your story, just me.  

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Thank you for your response. ✨

Thank you! And I really do plan to write more regularly soon… I’ve missed my blogging world.

Amy

“You are very special. But don’t get cocky.”

Posted by baobrien in Christian Thought, Just for Fun!, Uncategorized

These are the words of encouragement I recently received from my dear daddy. And I’m serious about the encouraging part. One of the things I deeply appreciate about my parents is that they were very encouraging and proud of me. But they weren’t enamored. They showed by their words and their actions that they truly thought I could do great things, but that didn’t mean I could do anything and everything.

Take for example volleyball. This is a somewhat notorious example in my family of Amy’s limitations. In the ninth grade I decided to try out. And I made the JV team. Some would think this was a sign of my great skill. It wasn’t. I made the team only because I wasn’t the worst person who decided to try out (don’t underestimate the power of needing a 12th player)… and I had a fairly consistent serve (even if it was underhanded). Following in the steps of my brothers who were athletically dispositioned, I think everyone expected at least moderate success.

But after an incredibly embarrassing season (which resulted in my getting hit in the head with the ball, during a game on more than one occassion), it was clear to everyone that volleyball was not my sport. After one especially painful game (volleyballs hurt), my father very gently said “Amy, you don’t have to play sports if you don’t want to.” These were the words I needed to hear. And I didn’t feel belittled. In fact, the only cruelty I could accuse my parents of is that they made me finish the season… embarrassing games and all. Packers are honest, but we’re not quitters.

Now I am completely confidant that had I decided to continue with volleyball my parents would have supported me in said endeavour. But fortunately for all of us, I decided to quit. It’s a good thing, too. This girl was simply not made for that particular sport.

So then came singing. Anyone who knows me knows that I have always loved to sing. There are stories of me as a young girl standing on top of a table serenading family and friends. I sang in church on multiple occassions and I was always in choirs, even making it onto my high school’s top madrigal and show choir. This is where my talents were best used.

But I wasn’t perfect. Anyone who has heard me sing (or has sung with me) will tell you that my voice is far from perfect. I frequently miss notes and have the hardest time singing harmony. This meant that while singing was my favorite activity, I had to work hard at it.

And my parents, once again, supported that hard work. They encouraged me with my singing, but they also encouraged me to take lessons to enhance my talent. I took voice lessons throughout high school and benefitted from it greatly.

You see my parents could have told the world about their daughter’s awesome talent. I could have thought as highly about myself to audition for shows like American Idol or such… but I knew that my talent, while special, was not unique. I knew that my voice was pleasant and I knew that with hard work I could be very, very good. But I also knew that very, very good did not mean perfection. And I also knew that I could enjoy something and even succeed at something without being the best at it.

And this has helped me significantly in life. Failure doesn’t phase me because I know that I’m not perfect. I expect to fail at some things and it’s okay. I don’t feel like I am an unimportant person or the victim of an unfair world who doesn’t recognize my talent. No, my parents taught me that potential failure is no reason not to try something and it’s certainly no reason not to work hard at it. I may be special, but I’m just not perfect.

As a child of the One True God, I am special. Scripture is pretty clear on that. But I am special because the Father first loved me… because Jesus Christ has accepted me as His own… because the Holy Spirit is working in me to transform me into the image of Christ.

And, thank goodness, that this has absolutely nothing to do with my great talent or ability. I’d definitely be in trouble.

I am special, but I have absolutely no reason to be cocky.

The end.

Longing for a person I don’t yet know…

Posted by baobrien in Adoption, Children's Ministry, Christian Thought, Spiritual Formation

Dear friends,

Lately we have been longing especially hard for our child. We’ve embarked on many projects… cleaning and sorting every space in our house, reading through and learning to practice Celebration of Discipline… but none of these has replaced the deep longing we both have in our hearts to meet and especially to hold our child.

I found myself earlier tonight (without even thinking) making childcare plans for a fancy dinner we have in October… it struck me, as it has so many other times, that I am a woman who is waiting and who doesn’t quite know when that time will end.

This morning at church I had several wonderful and sweet interactions with our covenant children. And as one especially beloved infant grabbed my finger, I felt in my heart the desire to take this child home. However, this wasn’t a desire felt in pain, but in joy. I am blessed to work with so many wonderful children… to shepherd so many joyous and energetic souls… these children remind me each week the joy that I am anticipating. They remind me each week of the privilege, honor and responsibility that will soon be ours as parents. And as Thomas Smoak spoke to us this morning, these children reveal Christ to me in ways I would not have known. And I am thankful for them.

And even when these children struggle to listen or say words they shouldn’t or run from the room unexpectedly (yes, even at Immanuel)… they remind me that parenting isn’t easy. I will struggle, I will even want to pull my hair out at times. And even in these “disobedient” times, they reveal Christ to me in ways I would not have known.

And I just love them.

As I sit on my couch, pajamas on and face washed (yes, I know it’s only 7:15), planning for the week ahead, my heart hopes that this is the week we get that very special call. And it aches.

But ultimately I sit in hope. Because I am surrounded by people (young and old, big and small) who have shown Christ to me in so many ways… I am married to a man who loves me when I am unlovable… I am privileged to shepherd so many wonderful children… I am a daughter, sister, friend and cousin to family I wouldn’t trade… and I am a mother in waiting.

Brandon and I are so thankful for the many, many friends & family who have walked this road with us and we thank you for your prayers as we continue to go a little farther. When we began trying to start a family more than 3 years ago, we never would have imagined being here now. And it is only because of the people who have journeyed with us that we have made it this far. You have each revealed Christ to us in ways we would not have known and for that we thank you.

And we once again humbly ask for your prayer. But more than that, we ask you to continue to walk with us so that we might continue to see Christ in you. Thank you for your testimony of God’s great grace.

Blessings on you this week!

Confessions of a Rule Follower…

Posted by baobrien in Christian Thought, Just for Fun!

As I mentioned on Monday, I have a goal for Lent this year and that is to read Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. I’ve read it several times and am always amazed by new insights. Brandon had the opportunity to interview Foster recently which got me thinking about the book. In fact, we both came up with the idea to read it independently of one another, so now we’re doing it together and dialoging along the way. Good thing we have two copies, we don’t share books all that well. 🙂

So I have begun. I’ve been sick this week, so I didn’t make it as far as I wanted… in fact I only made it through the Introduction and 1st chapter, but that’s something, right?!

So I thought I would write today about the whole idea of disciplines in the Christian life. I am a rule follower. Just ask anyone in my family! I would blame it on Singapore… but it started long before them. What can I say? I love to follow rules.

Ah, Singapore... where else can you be fined for feeding a monkey a banana?

And one of my dangerous habits is that I like to make up rules as well. For example, when I was in second grade I became very frightened of the movie Child’s Play and especially it’s devilish little doll Chuckie. Nevermind that I had never seen the movie, I was petrified.

And how did I choose to deal with this fear? I formed a “Do you believe in Chuckie?” club with my friends, of course. We would meet together and discuss the things that scared us. We had rules to follow so that he wouldn’t get us.

And as we met together each day, we scared ourselves even more and made our parent’s lives a little bit more difficult.

During that same time I made up rules about showering (so the scary man outside my window wouldn’t get me…duh!), rules about which side of the bed to sleep on, how the covers should be tucked around me so that nothing got my feet….

And this habit didn’t stop with childhood. Just ask Brandon. One of his favorites is my obsessive rule about getting 8 hours of sleep. If I’m waking up at 6:10 a.m. and I want to get a full night’s sleep, then I must be in asleep by 10… or else I have failed, and will not rest enough…. I can’t remember the last time I got this 8 hours… but I feel the pressure of the rule regardless…

Rules. I love me some rules.

So, why would I decide to embark on a project of disciplines? Isn’t that only going to increase my problem with using rules as coping methods?

Foster begins his book by reminding us that by our own efforts we can do nothing about our sin. Did you hear that? There is nothing we can do about our own sin, at least not anything all by ourselves.

Our ordinary method of dealing with ingrained sin is to launch a frontal attach…we determine never to do it again; we pray against it, fight against it, set our will against it. But the struggle is all in vain, and we find ourselves once again morally bankrupt, or worse yet, so proud of our external righteousness that “whitened sepulchers” is a mild description of our condition.

When there is a persistent sin present in my life, I tend to want to “rule-it-out.” If I can just put a structure in place so that it doesn’t bother me, then it will all be okay.

I love what Foster says. We simply can’t do it on our own.

But that doesn’t mean we “let go and let God.” While a catchy phrase, it’s not exactly what Foster is talking about here. You see once we discover this freedom, it is tempting to believe there’s absolutely nothing we can do. Over the past few years I have been learning to let the rules go and have felt myself slip at times in the other direction. Righteousness is a gift from God, right? Should we just wait around for God to heal us? Why intentionally have a quiet time, God will speak to me when He wants, right?

Foster writes,

The analysis is correct — human striving is insufficient and righteousness is a gift from God–but the conclusion is faulty. Happily there is something we can do. We do not need to be hung on the horns of the dilemma of either human works or idleness. God has given us the Disciplines of the spiritual life as a means of receiving his grace. The Disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that He can transform us.

As Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes in his Cost of Discipleship, grace is free but not cheap. We are saved purely by the grace of God, not by anything we’ve done. But, we are required to do stuff.

Further down Foster  writes

We must always remember that the path does not produce the change it only places us where the change can occur. This the path of disciplined grace.

And so this path begins. I’m looking forward to the journey. To rediscovering again the inward disciplines of meditation, prayer, fasting and study; the outward disciplines of simplicity (we’re already on that path!), solitude, submission and service; and the corporate disciplines of confession, worship ,guidance and celebration.

I think this is the perfect Lenten project… and the perfect “mom-to-be” preparation!

Happy Wednesday!

Oh and stay tuned on Friday for my special blog update on our latest cleaning project. We had a great time sorting through our papers today… and are pretty pleased with the results!

Know My Heart?

Posted by baobrien in Adoption, Christian Thought, Spiritual Formation, Uncategorized


Search me O God and know my heart,

Try me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me

and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139:23-24

I love Birthdays. And lucky for me, I celebrated one yesterday. I love the surprise gifts, the fun meals out, the celebration… perhaps even being the center of attention.

For the past 10 years (or so) I have done one particular thing every birthday morning… read Psalm 139. Why this Psalm? When I was in 5th grade my teacher had us memorize this whole chapter. What I so admire about her method (even more so now that I work with kids) is that she took us through it slowly. We memorized a few verses at a time… then we journalled about them, rehearsed them, talked about them with our friends… we knew them well before we ever moved on. It took us a LONG time to memorize the whole passage, but I have never forgotten it.

And these last 2 verses (quoted above) are increasingly sweet.

Search me… know my heart.

My heart is a mixture of emotion. As we wait for our child, I find myself yearning for the hope that God offers, for the comfort that only He gives, for the fulfillment of our desires that only He can offer… yet I also find myself easily tempted by bitterness, anger, envy. To know my heart is to see the good, the bad and the ugly.

Try me… know my anxious thoughts.


My anxious thoughts have been in abundance lately. When will our baby come? When will freelance checks come in? What if I don’t get enough volunteers? What if my cell phone isn’t near me when the agency calls? What if I am not prepared for a baby? Did I choose the right Sunday School curriculum? Did I buy the right car seat?

See if there is any offensive way.


Anxiety will come. Ugly thoughts will come. Lord, please point out these things… identify them… bring them to mind… let me see them… Forgive me for them.

And lead me in the way ever lasting.


But let me have hope. This is why these verses are so sweet. If we ask him, God will expose the secrets of our hearts, he will expose our anxious thoughts, he will point out the offensive stuff in us…

But ultimately He will give us hope. I am saved by the grace of his son… which means I have an everlasting hope. My heart is not perfect, but He’s working on it. My thoughts are sometimes out of control, but He’s molding them. My actions are too often offensive, but He’s changing me into his image.

And his change, his healing, his grace is everlasting. It is good.

What a wonderful God we serve. Amen and Amen.

Silence… it’s what’s for dinner.

Posted by baobrien in Adoption, Christian Thought, Spiritual Formation, Young and Married

Has anyone else felt the weight of silence recently? Particularly the weight of God’s silence in response to our prayers?

For as long as I can remember my father has been reading through My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers (1874-1917). For those who don’t know, this is a daily devotional published by Chambers who was a Scottish minister and teacher. The book is actually a collection of his teachings compiled by his wife, after his death.

Well, back in October I decided it would be nice to start reading through these devotionals myself. Sure, I’ve read them off and on, but haven’t consistently read them through. So, I purchased a new copy, and have been reading them since October… the starts of a pretty good habit.

The first entry I read was on Oct 11 and was on the topic of silence. I presented this in our staff devotions this morning and thought I would share it with you here. Oswald writes,

“When He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was.” John 11:6

Has God trusted you with His silence – a silence that has great meaning? God’s silences are actually His answers. Just think of those days of absolute silence in the home at Bethany! Is there anything comparable to those days in your life? Can God trust you like that or are you still asking Him for a visible answer? God will give you the very blessings you ask if you refuse to go any further without them, but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into an even more wonderful understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? When you cannot hear God, you will find that He has trusted you in the most intimate way possible – with absolute silence, not a silence of despair, but one of pleasure, because He saw that you could withstand an even bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, then praise Him – He is bringing you into the mainstream of his purposes. The actual evidence of the answer in time is simply a matter of God’s sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you may have said, “I asked God to give me bread, but He gave me a stone instead” (see Matthew 7:9). He did not give you a stone, but today you find that He gave you the “bread of life” (John 6:35).

A wonderful thing about God’s silence is that His stillness is contagious – it gets into you, causing you to become perfectly confident so that you can honestly say, “I know that God has heard me.” His silence is the very proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will always bless you in answer to prayer, He will do it, but He will never give you the grace of His silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, then He will give you the first sign of His intimacy – silence.

 

Did you read that last paragraph? “He will give you the first sign of His intimacy – silence.” Back in October I was immediately struck by that line, and by this passage. I am even more struck by it today. The past several years have been a season of waiting for us for schooling, jobs and most of all the start of our family. While we have watched with amazement at God’s provision in so many ways, we’re still waiting for that child and that waiting has taken place largely in silence. Sure, God has led us at certain points in this journey towards very specific steps, but for the most part we have walked this road in silence.  And that silence at times can seem deafening. And today (in particular) I am feeling this silence.

Back in September we learned from a family member of a young woman in Texas who was considering adoption for her baby. We came to find out that she wasn’t very far along, so we didn’t put much hope in that opportunity. But we did continue to pray for her, for her boyfriend, for my Aunt, for everyone involved in the situation. Today we found out that she has chosen to keep her baby. And although we had not put much hope in this opportunity, it was at least tangible. And we can’t help but grieve this news.

Silence.

What I love about what Oswald Chambers writes is that he validates the silence for us. What do I mean? Brandon and I have lots of friends & family members who would say that if you just pray hard enough, God will do it. “Name it and claim it.” And I am a firm believer that God answers prayer. But when that prayer isn’t answered, what are we to do? Brandon and I both struggled with feelings of guilt that we hadn’t prayed hard enough for our child and I, in particular, struggled with doubts about the strength of my own faith. Surely if I was just a better Christian God would grant us this request…

But if what Chambers says is true, perhaps this extended time of silence is not because we have no faith, but because he feels that our faith (by the grace of His Spirit) can take it. Perhaps, this is His greatest sign of care for us.

Perhaps.

There are days when I think that I would take a baby over anything that God may be teaching us in this journey. Then the Spirit intervenes by His great grace and we make it another day, another week, another month, another semester, another year… in silence.

Perhaps God has trusted us with his silence as a sign of His intimacy. Perhaps. I think we are going to choose  to believe that this time of extended silence can be a time of great intimacy with the Father.

And that’s pretty great.

Now, what to have for dinner…

 

Christmas is gone… but a new journal has come.

Posted by baobrien in Adoption, Christian Thought, Spiritual Formation

Today I took all the “Christmas” out of our house. And, while it’s nice to have the floor vacuumed, and no longer have such a large tree for our cat to climb on…

my house suddenly looks a little less cheery. And empty. It’s usually this time of year that I begin to wonder if I should have a tree up all year long… with appropriate seasonal decorations throughout the year, of course.

Maybe next year, but for now here I sit with all the Christmas gone.

In the last few years I have developed an annual tradition… in the beginning of January I buy a new journal. And when I sit down to write in that journal for the first time I take some time to read through the January entries of my journal from the previous year.

So, this past Saturday I bought this journal (and it might be my favorite one yet) and on Saturday I sat down to write. And as I looked over the past year’s entries, I found an interesting challenge. You see last year in January I had just finished two rounds of fertility treatments and I was tired. Very tired. I was a broken woman. I remember this time all too well. Some of the medication had caused fatigue, weight gain and I was simply tired.

But what struck me, is that even as I shared with God my hurt that this desire of my heart (the desire for a child) had not been fulfilled, I uttered my faith that he would fulfill it in his timing. And a little beleaguered, I moved forward with the year anticipating what God would do… hoping that 2010 we would meet our baby.

Well 2010 did not bring us a child, but it did bring us faith. Looking back over this past year I am amazed at the faith which God has demanded of us and the grace with which he has bestowed it. Now I’m not trying to say that I am a woman of great faith. No, I am weak. I am sinful. I am human. I am broken. And I am tired. But God has brought hope to my heart and hope to Brandon’s heart even amidst terrible pain.

And we made it. In 2010 there were many long nights of intense grieving (just as there was in 2009 and 2008), but God was faithful. And now I am starting this year with hope that in 2011 we will meet BabyO (as I am affectionately calling our son or daughter). I don’t know where they are, or what they look like… but they will be here.

And once again I am praying for faith. I have learned in the past few months that it is sometimes hard (but just as important) for us to praise God when things are going well. What do I mean? When I was in the midst of infertility I had no choice but to cling to the father. Sometimes I would yell, other times I would cry… but always I would go to him.. Where else could I go?

Now, as I sit in the hope that our child is coming through the beauty of adoption… I am learning that going to the father is harder. When I’m not as desperate, it can be easy to “put it off” till later.

But recently God has once again demanded faith, just as he bestowed it. I have come before him humbly asking that he would direct my heart, direct my hands and direct my words & thoughts in this time of waiting. As possible birthmoms come our way, give us hope. As I feel envy or bitterness creep in, cleanse me. And as we (Brandon & I) move forward with difficult decisions, give us your wisdom, your discernment, your grace.

I’m not tired in the same way I was last year at this time. But I am still very much in need of a Savior.

It’s gonna be a great year.

It’s that time of year…

Posted by baobrien in Adoption, Christian Thought, Spiritual Formation

How is it that every year I am surprised by how close Thanksgiving is to Christmas?

This year especially it seems that this Christmas season has snuck up on me. Sure, I’ve decorated my house and have even bought a few Christmas presents (although not near as many I should have)… but I still feel like it must be November… it can’t be close to Christmas yet.

When everything seems to be creeping in on me, it makes it hard for me to stop and to ponder what this season is all about. Brandon and I have the joy of being apart of a church that celebrates the Season of Advent very intentionally. And this year I have found new meaning in this season of waiting. As we wait for our own baby, we get a small glimpse of the joy for Mary, Joseph and everyone involved in our Lord’s birth.

And we understand why the true celebration doesn’t start until the birth of Jesus. Yes, we know what’s coming, but it’s not here yet. So while we prepare and we ponder and we get excited… our utmost excitement isn’t coming just yet. Our incredibly joy and excitement found in the birth of our Lord wont be here till He is.

And so our joy of being parents. Sure we are preparing and we are excited about what will happen, but we know that the true joy will come when our baby comes. And what joy that will be!!

What a blessing to wait for our Lord.

Just a thought…

Meeting God

Posted by baobrien in Children's Sermon, Christian Thought, Spiritual Formation, Worshipping with Kids

This morning I had the wonderful opportunity to give the Children’s Message during our service! This one of my favorite parts of my job. We began by lighting the Christ candle that we light downstairs during Children and Worship. Here’s some of what I said:

Without the presence of Christ, we cannot know God in his full glory. Without the presence of Christ in us, we cannot understand Scripture, the Bible, God’s word. Without the presence of Christ in us, we cannot Worship God. And without the presence of Christ, we cannot love the people around us fully.

Without Christ, we are simply a bunch of people who come together to sing some songs, hear a guy speak some words and go home. Doesn’t really make much sense.

But when Christ is welcomed into our heart, into our lives, into our church service… wow! When Christ is presence in us, we suddenly see how great, how big, how majestic our God, the Father God, is. When Jesus Christ is present in us, we are able to understand by the Holy Spirit (who is God himself) the Bible, God’s own written word. When Christ is present with us we can engage in Joyful worship… worshipping God in Spirit and Truth. And when Christ is present in us and with us, we can love those around us more fully.

And this means that what we are doing here this morning is meaningful… it has meaning. Here we are coming to meet God, because we recognize that without God, we have nothing.

And we light these candles to remind us that it is only through Christ, through his life, death and resurrection and his presence with us today… It is only through Christ that we can know God. Now, I want you to know that these candles don’t have any special power… but what they remind us of, the presence of Christ, hte light of the world… does.

Now before I extinguish the flame of this candle, I have one more question for you. Can one of you tell me why when we sing Be Still and Know downstairs?

Each Communion Sunday, we sing this song before we read God’s word… because we believe it is an important reminder to our congregation that God is with us… that it is only through his power that we read his word.

This morning I am going to ask you to help me lead the congregation in this song. Many of them don’t know the motions like you do, many of them might not know the song as well as you do. So after we extinguish this candle, we are going to lead them and then go back to our seats.

But first, just as this flame reminds us that Christ is present with us right here, and right now… when we extinguish this flame we are reminded that Christ’s presence does not stay here but goes with us wherever we go… just as this smoke filters throughout the room, Christ goes with us.

This morning Christ wants to meet you. You may not understand all of the words the pastor or even I say… you may not like all of the songs we will sing… but Christ wants to meet you, he wants to share with you his love this morning.

It’s a joy and a privilege to worship with you today. Now join me in leading the congregation.

It truly is a joy, an honor and a privilege to worship with children in the service. They continually teach me and guide me… i LOVE it! Happy Sunday everyone.