Lately we have been longing especially hard for our child. We’ve embarked on many projects… cleaning and sorting every space in our house, reading through and learning to practice Celebration of Discipline… but none of these has replaced the deep longing we both have in our hearts to meet and especially to hold our child.
I found myself earlier tonight (without even thinking) making childcare plans for a fancy dinner we have in October… it struck me, as it has so many other times, that I am a woman who is waiting and who doesn’t quite know when that time will end.
This morning at church I had several wonderful and sweet interactions with our covenant children. And as one especially beloved infant grabbed my finger, I felt in my heart the desire to take this child home. However, this wasn’t a desire felt in pain, but in joy. I am blessed to work with so many wonderful children… to shepherd so many joyous and energetic souls… these children remind me each week the joy that I am anticipating. They remind me each week of the privilege, honor and responsibility that will soon be ours as parents. And as Thomas Smoak spoke to us this morning, these children reveal Christ to me in ways I would not have known. And I am thankful for them.
And even when these children struggle to listen or say words they shouldn’t or run from the room unexpectedly (yes, even at Immanuel)… they remind me that parenting isn’t easy. I will struggle, I will even want to pull my hair out at times. And even in these “disobedient” times, they reveal Christ to me in ways I would not have known.
And I just love them.
As I sit on my couch, pajamas on and face washed (yes, I know it’s only 7:15), planning for the week ahead, my heart hopes that this is the week we get that very special call. And it aches.
But ultimately I sit in hope. Because I am surrounded by people (young and old, big and small) who have shown Christ to me in so many ways… I am married to a man who loves me when I am unlovable… I am privileged to shepherd so many wonderful children… I am a daughter, sister, friend and cousin to family I wouldn’t trade… and I am a mother in waiting.
Brandon and I are so thankful for the many, many friends & family who have walked this road with us and we thank you for your prayers as we continue to go a little farther. When we began trying to start a family more than 3 years ago, we never would have imagined being here now. And it is only because of the people who have journeyed with us that we have made it this far. You have each revealed Christ to us in ways we would not have known and for that we thank you.
And we once again humbly ask for your prayer. But more than that, we ask you to continue to walk with us so that we might continue to see Christ in you. Thank you for your testimony of God’s great grace.
Blessings on you this week!